The ambulance eventually arrived and Ioannis ran down to meet them and tell them that I desperately needed strong pain relief, so they had gas and air as they came in. The extra Oxynorm that I had taken had started to work and take a little of the edge off. They put me straight on the gas and air as soon as they came into the flat and as it started to work it’s magic, I was able to sit on the bed and eventually speak to them. They asked me to rank the pain out of 10 and I said 10. Apparently liver capsule pain is at the top of the pain tree. While waiting for the ambulance, Ioannis had packed me a bag with everything I needed to stay in hospital a couple of nights and so we were able to get going and into the ambulance fairly quickly. Once sat in the ambulance, I gave them a history of what had happened recently, which is always necessary when the paramedics come out. I am thinking of just writing it out on a piece of paper to save time in future!
Once we had gone through all of that and the gas and air had kicked in sufficiently that I could cope with the journey, we left to go to the hospital and Ioannis came on his Vespa.
Once in A&E I stayed on the gas and air for a good while before anyone came and gave me anything else, which isn’t a problem as it’s really potent stuff. Eventually they came and put a cannula in and because I can’t take morphine, gave me a big dose of Pethadine, which instantly made me sick, so they gave me some anti-sickness too. Pethadine is incredibly powerful stuff and it is safe to say that I was completely off the planet. I can’t take morphine as it doesn’t actually do anything for the pain and it just turns me yellow, which I found out the first time I was admitted to hospital in February and was incredibly scary when I had just been told I have cancer in my liver. I thought my liver was failing! My brother says that Morphine turns him yellow too. So I sat there for god knows how many more hours with the gas and air as well as the Pethadine as it didn’t take long for the spasms to start kicking in again once the immediate effects started wearing off. I was high as a kite.
Eventually they came to take me to the ward, which I was quite concerned about as I knew that they wouldn’t give me any intravenous medication and they wouldn’t let me take the gas and air with me. I didn’t want another night like the very first night that I was here. As soon as they took me off the gas and air to move me to the ward, the spasms started. However, something magical came to me in that moment. Kim had told me that when I have pain, it is my body trying to tell me something and that I must allow myself to tune in and go into my body, connect with the pain and ask it what I need to know. So, I put my hands on my heart and breathed into the pain, staying really close to it and really tuned into my body. I channelled a feeling of love to my liver and listened to what my body had to say. Within moments, the spasms stopped and I was able to further breathe into the pain. The message that was coming up strongly was rest and kindness. I must rest and be kind to my body because it just doesn’t have the resources to keep being pushed.
I was very pleased to find that I was back in exactly the same ward as before but this time I had my own private room. the staff on this ward are absolutely lovely and were really pleased to see me, even if they wished for my sake that they didn’t have to. This time, I was prescribed sack loads of pain relief and as much Oxycodone as I needed with no questions asked. In addition to this, I had buscopan, paracetomol and ibuprofen.
Thankfully, the weekend before I had given the numbers of my nearest and dearest to Ioannis and given his number to all of them, so he was able to speak to them all and keep them updated.
I needed lots and lots of Oxycodone to manage the pain because as soon as the gas and air was taken away, the spasms started again. So they gave me everything they could to keep the pain under control until the pain team could look at me the next day. Every time my liver started to spasm badly, I did the same exercise of putting a hand gently on my liver and one on my heart and breathed into the pain, while going into my body and connecting with the pain. Even though I knew that the absolute agony was bubbling just below the surface, I was able to keep it there so that I didn’t have excruciating spasms of pain. Each time I did this, I was able to stop the spasms fairly quickly although at times it was incredibly difficult to breathe into the pain when the spasms were coming hard and fast. The message that I got was always the same, rest and peace.
Ioannis never left my side for even a moment other than to speak to my family and friends to update them. I said to him that I really know how to show a man a good time. We have spent an awful lot of our relationship in a hospital so far! What a catch I am!!
My room has a sofa in it and Ioannis didn’t want to leave me alone for a moment as he was scared that the pain would flair up badly again and he didn’t want me to be on my own if it did. So he slept on the sofa, which did not look comfortable.
I don’t really remember much of the first night as I was so pumped full of heavy duty drugs, but I don’t think either of us slept much. I was so very grateful that he was there as I couldn’t even walk to the toilet by myself and so he helped me with everything that I needed and made sure that my water was always topped up.
The man was sent from the angels.
This has been a very long blog, but it was a hell of a day. I will try and compress the next five days that I have been in hospital over two more blogs to catch you up on where I am now.
Until next time…..
With love and pain,